Chapter 5 – To Move Forward
Volume 2
“Um…”
The backs of my eyelids start to ache. My navy blue socks wriggled with the movement of my feet.
I wondered if I had annoyed her. Even if it’s something you think is right, whether you should tell them is another matter. I let my momentum get the better of me, but I’ve already lost that urge.
I felt a strong gaze around my temples, but I couldn’t seem to look up anymore.
That’s when I saw Mother Enami’s feet approaching mine. Despite the cold weather, she was barefoot. Her pale veins were standing out.
“I think I kind of get it…”
I couldn’t react to the voice pouring down on me.
“Raise your head…”
Fearfully, I did so. I took a deep breath and lifted my eyes.
I’m sure I have a terrible expression on my face right now.
“I wonder if you talked to Risa in that way?”
“…Eh?”
“I bet …you’re the one who changed Risa, aren’t you?”
I realized that almost two months have passed since then. The past two months have been a strange time for me. The same goes for the cleaning of the Enami house. It was the first time I had ever cared so much about someone else.
I’m not vain enough to believe that my words have power. Somehow, I never thought that my words would have the same effect as the sermon that changed Enami-san’s life. But since I knew that accumulation could move people, I had no choice but to do nothing.
Enami-san also came back from the kitchen.
“As I thought, it is like that huh…”
She sat back down in her chair as if she was going to fall down. There are several gray hairs mixed in with her hair. I asked her if she was okay.
But she didn’t answer, instead looked at the desk calendar on the kitchen counter that Enami-san had knocked over earlier.
On her lap, one hand wrapped around the other.
“How long has it been… I don’t even know that anymore…”
I don’t know the past that Enami-san and her mother share.
“It’s all broken. And I often compare the before and after of the broken. Comparison is probably the cruelest act in life. It shows you exactly what you’re missing. And we try to seek what we can’t have anymore…”
I know the feeling.
“I’m always thinking… I always wonder how good it would be to go back to the way it was before it was destroyed. When I think about it, my heart starts to ache and my head starts to hurt. I try to do my best, but then I suddenly have flashbacks to the past…”
“Yes…”
“I wonder if I’m really in the right place. When I stand alone, I feel uneasy. At that time, my mind becomes surprisingly empty. When Risa goes to school, I’ll be alone, right? I thought about it a lot. I had plenty of time to think about it…”
Furthermore, Enami-san began to distance herself from her mother more and more. So, it was an even more difficult time for her.
“I’m sure that in that sense, Risa and I are different…”
Finally, her gaze came back to me. When Enami-san said, “Mom,” she shook her head.
Does this mean that it’s impossible after all? Do I have no choice but to give up?
Perhaps it was the sincerity of my words, but she was talking to me in a very serious manner.
That’s why I can’t help but realize that this is what Enami-san’s mother really feels.
“As I said earlier, youth is really precious… The older you get, the more entrenched your thoughts become…”
“Yes…”
“I don’t think I’m ready to throw everything away and start all over again…”
It was her earnest feeling. It made me feel even more hopeless.
Even if she hadn’t said so, I’m sure she’d already tried to move forward many times. Each time, she faltered, and now she is stuck here. No matter how much I encouraged her, it was meaningless…
What if I never see her again? I’m sure that this person will continue to live in the past… I had such a premonition.
When I was about to give up, she said to me,
“But …thank you.”
“Eh?”
For a moment, my body froze.
I was surprised.
I had never expected to be thanked.
I opened my mouth in a dumbfounded manner.
Did she say thank you? No way…
I couldn’t believe my ears, but Enami-san had the same reaction.
And that’s not all. Mother Enami was smiling at me.
“…”
I wondered if this was the best she could do in response to my words. It’s not that she dismissed my words as unworthy of being heard. Even if I couldn’t change her, she might have accepted my words.
I was honestly happy.
“N-no…”
“Thank you so much, for doing this for someone like me…”
It’s not easy to move forward while carrying the past. I don’t expect her to look forward right away, either.
But it’s a sign. Even if it is a very small thing, it does not mean that this is meaningless. If there is even a small gain for Mother Enami, there is a possibility that she will reach her ultimate goal.
It won’t be all good in the future. She seems to be calm now, but it is possible that things will get rough again soon.
I don’t think the day will come when the hatred will completely disappear from Enami-san’s mother.
There is a good chance that we will never reach the goal I want.
Even if that’s the case, this is good for now.
It’s fine to go little by little. I think that’s enough.
Without any hope, I don’t know what direction I should aim for. But if there is a sign, we can move toward it. No matter how slow it is.
A heat slowly builds up in my chest.
“…please let me say thank you, too. Thank you very much.”
Before I realized it, I said so.
Both Enami-san and her mother gave me a puzzled look. They wouldn’t understand why I was thanking them.
But this conversation was very meaningful to me.
Maybe the broken furniture should be left as it is. I felt a little more confident in myself.
“What a strange kid, Kohon~…”
Coughing, Mother Enami turned her head away.
It was not a failure. I was really glad that I had talked with her.
“I’m sorry…”
“No, it’s fine…”
Mother Enami closed her eyes.
“…I’m tired.”
When she said that, I realized that I had been here too long. It’s getting late, and it’s going to be a nuisance.
“Um, sorry. I should be leaving soon…”
“Yeah. You should do that.”
It’s already 7:30. I have my own things to do.
I said my last goodbyes and started getting ready to leave.
As I left the living room and was putting on my shoes at the entrance, Enami-san approached me from behind.
“You…”
She stood at an angle, looking at me sideways.
“What?”
I tapped my toe and pushed my feet into the back of my shoe before standing up. Enami-san exhaled, squirming on her feet.
“About what you were saying today…”
Her voice was quieter than usual. I waited in silence for her to continue, but she never did. After a while, Enami-san mumbled,
“…No, it’s nothing.”
“…?”
She pinched her lips between her fingers and made a troubled face. I wondered what was going on. She had taken the trouble to talk to me. In the end, Enami-san just said, “Thank you for today,” and left.
As usual, she never explained her thoughts. I could only nod my head.
TN: Only one more chapter left.
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Impatient MTL Reader 
Thx for the chapter
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Thanks for the chapter.
LikeLiked by 1 person